How shall I rid myself of fear?
How can you rid yourself of what you cling to?
You mean I actually cling to my fears? I cannot agree to that.
Consider what your fear protects you from and you will agree! and you will see your folly.
Anthony De Mello
I have no idea of what tomorrow will bring, so I wish to prepare for it.
“You fear tomorrow — not realizing that yesterday is just as dangerous.
Anthony De Mello
Talk about Encounter. Where to begin! The whole process has being very interesting for me. Not necessarily intense but very growth-promoting. During the Encounter classes, I have tried (in as much as I was consciously able and with different levels of success) to be honest, self-aware, self-responsible, keep attention on my feelings and remain in the here-and-now. After the good experience in T-Group, I knew that taking risk paid in self-knowledge; still, fear was present. I knew the topics I wanted to aboard, still there was a part of me utterly afraid to “go there” (the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak).
It would be hard to talk here about all the areas of my personality that were touched during the encounter, and certainly, there are many other areas for me to work on, but I feel very satisfied with what I have accomplished so far.
While the “Encounter way of life” has many facets (honesty, self-awareness, responsibility, etc.), without undermining any of them; for me, the most important learning experience has been the insight of a better way to relate to people. I would call it “relating at ground level”1.
When we encounter each other, just like turtles or snails, we come carrying our own history (the self-concept), traumas, insecurities, fears, expectations, etc. We have been disappointed, hurt and let down many times.2 We develop our own “civilized” way to relate, based on “deception (‘diplomacy’), masking feelings (‘tact’), disowning the body (‘primitive, irrational, obscene’), and similar duplicities.”
Many of us have grown to believe that we need to perform, to measure to certain standards and –more often than not– have been found wanton. No wonder we are unsure, afraid to show who we really are.
I am glad that Encounter (and Tavi) taught me this. It may sound odd, but both will help me to keep in mind that we are all human beings, and as such, we are fear, admire and/or hate each other, so we are unable to get close. It will help me to be (or try to be) more kindhearted with my fellow human beings (some of which will be my clients). To keep in mind that within each person (even –or perhaps specially– when he/she is rude, defensive, aggressive and/or stubborn) there is a frightened child; longing to be met, but also scared to death to be found3. In our group, almost everyone, illustrated this.
I am glad to have had the chance to experience Encounter. Still it makes me a bit sad to think that we need an artificial setting to relate. Sadly, it seems like we need rules and a holding environment to feel secure enough to open up ourselves. I keep asking me why? What happened? When and how did we become so afraid to be hurt? So defensive? It is not about allocating guilt, but about finding solutions. We are society, we are all accountable. To put it in Will Schutz’s words: “Everyone is responsible and no one is to blame”.
How can we turn society’s boat around? Maybe the Encounter way of life is the answer.
