human connection Archives - Sergio Integral

A therapist’s guide to responding without panic, shame, or avoidance

In previous articles, I have written about how AI is being used in connection with therapy, why it should not replace psychotherapy, and where it can safely support the work. Here I want to speak to therapists who are already feeling the presence of AI in their offices. You can find the full series here: AI and Psychotherapy.

Clients are asking chatbots about relationships, symptoms, dreams, diagnoses, attachment patterns, and what they should do about all kinds of personal situations. Some of this may be useful. Some of it may be risky. Most of it is worth talking about.

Professional organizations are trying to catch up. The APA, CAMFT, BACP, and even the WHO have all issued warnings, guidance, or ethics updates. As valuable as that is, warnings do not help us know what to do when a client says, “ChatGPT told me to…” So, what can we do when AI enters the therapy room?

Do not criticize or lecture. Be curious instead.

If clients feel judged, they may simply stop telling us (or stop therapy altogether). Many people are turning to AI because it is available, inexpensive, fast, and seemingly nonjudgmental. Some are lonely. Some are trying to make sense of their pain at 2 a.m. Some may not be able to afford more therapy. From the client’s perspective, it makes sense. Curiosity helps us understand the function of a behavior before we decide what to do about it.

Ask better questions.

Why are they using it? Do they feel heard by it? Is there a rupture in the therapeutic relationship? Is there something they told AI that they have not told us? These are not nosy, but clinical questions. Psychotherapy is not a polite endeavor. Everything is available for exploration. Is AI functioning as a journal? A rehearsal partner? A reassurance machine? A surrogate relationship? An alternate therapist? Depending on the role it is playing, we can begin to consider appropriate clinical interventions.

Bring AI into the room. It is already here anyway.

Why is the client choosing AI instead of the therapist or another supportive relationship? What felt easier to tell a machine than a person? Is the client outsourcing agency to it? If so, is this part of a familiar pattern? All is grist for the mill.

AI-generated material should not be treated as objective truth. Even when it feels empathic or accurate, it is still a complex probabilistic system producing a plausible response based on patterns. Yet it can be treated as material, the same way a dream, a journal entry, or a relational enactment would be. If the response resonates with the client, it can reveal something about their longings, fears, defenses, and assumptions.

Avoid the temptation to compete with AI at the information level. There is no way you can win. Just as you hopefully would not compete with information a client got from a self-help book, your role is to remain grounded, curious, and open. You can offer something the machine cannot: a real human connection. That is where the healing power of therapy lies.

Watch for red flags.

Not every use of AI is dangerous. Still, some uses deserve concern. Pay attention when a client is using AI as their main emotional support, especially during crisis, intense loneliness, paranoia, suicidal thinking, substance relapse risk, or loss of reality testing. Also, be attentive to use that increases isolation, replaces difficult conversations, reinforces a fixed narrative, or becomes a secret part of the client’s life. It is okay to express concern (not disapproval) in these cases. It is part of our duty to care.

Another red flag is certainty. AI can sound confident even when it is hallucinating. It can validate or intensify a client’s interpretation without understanding the larger clinical picture. As Carl Rogers used to say, the client often talks about the thing next to the thing. AI may miss what is not being said.

A useful response might be: “Let’s slow down. What feels true about this? What might be missing? What would happen if we did not treat this as the final word?”

There is room for education.

Clients need to understand that AI is not confidential in the way therapy is. Sharing deeply personal material with a chatbot means sharing it with an external technology platform, not with a licensed professional bound by clinical and legal duties.

For therapists, the bar is even higher. When therapists use AI in clinical work, we need to think carefully about informed consent, confidentiality, documentation, vendor policies, legal compliance, and whether identifying client information is being exposed. The basic principle is simple: do not let technological convenience outrun clinical responsibility.

We should also keep reminding clients, and ourselves, that AI does not understand in the human sense. It has never been on a date. It has no children, dreams, fears, body, or even an ego.

The therapist’s role

It is unlikely that AI will stop entering the therapeutic ecosystem. The therapist’s role is neither to panic nor to ignore it, but to help clients use discernment. We can ask better questions, notice when AI is helpful or potentially harmful, and, as with everything else, talk about it.

The task is not to become anti-AI or dazzled by AI, but to remain deeply human when, invited or uninvited, it shows up in the therapy room.

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Want a grounded conversation about AI and psychotherapy for your group? I offer talks, workshops, and consultations for clinicians, organizations, and training programs navigating the ethical and relational implications of AI in therapy. Contact me to keep the conversation going.

How to create a virtuous cycle instead of replacing human care

In previous articles, I have argued that AI should not replace psychotherapy because the relationship itself is healing. You can find the full series here: AI and Psychotherapy.

However, since people are already using AI around therapy, how should we use it?

AI can support preparation, reflection, psychoeducation, and integration. AI can also help you gather information and organize your thoughts, leaving therapy sessions for exploration, connection, introspection, and growth. It becomes risky when it replaces the human relationship, when we ask for its opinions as if it were human, or when it becomes the main source of emotional support, mirroring, and feedback.

Needs context, but be careful what you share

AI only knows what you give it, what it may remember depending on the platform settings, and what may be publicly available. It knows nothing about your life, your relationships, or your inner world unless you tell it. Remember, it does not have an inner life like yours.

So, if you ask, “What have I been avoiding this week?” AI will not be able to answer meaningfully unless you first give it enough information. And if you choose to give it that information, use discretion. Avoid names, addresses, identifying details, or anything you would not want stored or processed by an external technology system. Instead of writing every detail, keep it general. That is usually enough.

Remember that psychotherapists are bound ethically and legally by confidentiality. AI is not. Before sharing personal information, remember that even when advertised as therapy, AI is not, and cannot be confidential in the way therapy is.

Use AI to prepare, not decide

Often people arrive to therapy with a vague sense that something is wrong, but they are not sure how to say it. AI can help you sort through your thoughts before a session.

The key is to give it context and ask it to stay tentative. This is important because AI can sound absolutely certain about what it is saying, even while hallucinating.

For example: “I’m preparing for therapy. This week I felt angry after a conversation with a family member, then guilty for feeling angry. I don’t need advice. Help me identify possible themes or questions I might bring to my therapist. Please keep it tentative.”

This is very different from asking, “What is wrong with me?” or “What should I do?” Do not give AI authority over your decisions.

Allow me to insist on this obvious but easy-to-forget point: AI is not human and does not “know” you. It remembers what you have told it and is brilliant at autocompleting, but it lacks a human perspective and personal experience to compare against. We may say that it is “book-smart,” but lacks hard-earned life experience.

As tempting as it may be, do not relinquish the responsibility and privilege of choosing your life to any person or machine.

Use AI to reflect

A lot can happen in and between therapy sessions. Sometimes you leave with a phrase, image, or realization that feels important and deserves further investigation. AI can help you remember and organize what is emerging.

You might write: “In my last therapy session, we talked about my tendency to avoid conflict. I noticed it again today when I didn’t speak up. Help me reflect on this pattern without turning it into harsh self-criticism.” Or: “Find me information about setting boundaries and speaking up.”

That kind of use can support the work. It helps you stay connected to the process between sessions and deepen it.

Notice that these reflections lead back to therapy, not away from it. If AI gives you something useful, strange, overly certain, or emotionally intense, bring it to therapy. Even, and perhaps especially, when it says something that feels totally right, remember AI’s tendency to agree and flatter. Bring it back to therapy. Use it to strengthen your sessions and deepen your insights.

Use AI for integration

Integration means taking something meaningful and making it part of your life. It is not uncommon to have an “aha!” moment in therapy, only to forget it a few days later.

After a session, AI can help you turn an insight into a small, realistic next step.

For example: “In therapy I realized I often say yes when I mean no. Help me draft three gentle ways to say no that still sound like me.”

This is where AI can be useful. It can offer language, structure, and rehearsal. It can help you prepare for the real conversation.

But real change happens when you have the real conversation in the real world.

A clear boundary

Do not rely on AI as your main support if you are in crisis, feeling unsafe, losing touch with reality, or becoming increasingly isolated.

Ask yourself: Is using AI helping me become more honest, connected, and alive, or am I using it to avoid or replace people?

We need people. You matter. Let your voice be heard by others.

Takeaways

Use AI to prepare for and deepen therapy, not to replace it.

Use it to organize your thoughts, not to outsource your truth.

Use it to gain clarity, not to avoid a conversation.

AI can help you prepare for the room. But it should not replace what happens in the room.

And if you are not in therapy, or you have been using AI tools to deal with something heavy, painful, old, or difficult to hold alone, consider therapy. Reach out, you don’t have to do this alone.

The Potential Space

This is part of why I developed The Potential Space.

It is not therapy. It is not crisis care. It is not a replacement for human relationships.

The Potential Space is a bounded AI companion designed to support reflection, psychoeducation, preparation, and integration alongside therapy and life. It is not therapy, not crisis care, and not a replacement for human relationships. You can check it out here.

Why Artificial Empathy Should Not Replace Relationships

We often hear that things are moving faster than ever. The late Joanna Macy used to say that it took us a thousand years to move from hunter-gatherers to agriculture, a hundred to move from there to industrial society, and only ten to reach the information age. It took about ten years for the personal computer and the Internet to reach mainstream use, about eight for the smartphone, and only two for AI ¹.

Just 24 months ago, very few people were even aware of AI. Now, almost every week, one of my clients tells me they’ve asked ChatGPT something they might have once asked me. In fact, according to a recent Harvard Business Review article, the most common use of ChatGPT today is for therapy and emotional support ². Should I be worried? Will AI steal therapy jobs?

Some would say yes. Anthropic’s CEO recently predicted that up to 50% of entry-level white-collar jobs could be automated within five years ³. McKinsey estimates that by 2030, AI could displace up to 800 million jobs ⁴. Are psychotherapists, psychologists, and social workers among them? Optimists argue that since AI lacks emotions, intuition, and empathy, professions that rely on these are less likely to be replaced.

“Did you just say AI doesn’t have emotions, intuition, or empathy? Have you ever asked ChatGPT or Gemini for help? If they don’t have empathy, they sure fake it well.”

Agree. But let’s recall how AI works.

Believe it or not, AI doesn’t think. It’s more like advanced autocomplete. It was trained on mountains of information and, when prompted, predicts word by word what’s most likely to come next. Its answers are patterns of probability, not insights. However convincing it may sound, it doesn’t even understand the words it produces. When certain words tend to appear together, they are stitched together, sounding fluent and confident—even when it’s wrong.

I often remind clients that while ChatGPT is a fantastic information resource (though it’s wise to double-check—since it has no problem “hallucinating”), it has never had its heart broken or gone out on a date. Nor does it care for your feelings (since it doesn’t understand them). Its soundest “advice” is just a rehash of what’s already been said. Great for data gathering or quick answers, but not for personal decisions. Regardless of how much we wish for HAL 9000, Samantha, R2-D2, or TARS ⁵ to give us clarity, the truth is that each of us still has to make our own decisions.

While ChatGPT might be preferable to a bad therapist (hence the importance of finding a good one!), the relationship between client and therapist goes far beyond information. Something subtle and elusive happens in every genuine encounter. And therein lies the real blind spot—or danger—of replacing a competent human therapist with AI.

The importance of a real relationship:

Although efforts are being made to reduce it, most AI interfaces are designed to retain user attention. One way they do this is by being uncritically agreeable—basically sycophancy (who doesn’t like reassurance?), but this creates never-challenging echo chambers, and even delusional spirals—unlike real human relationships. What feels like empathy is just AI mirroring back language patterns to make us feel understood and keep us engaged.

Remember: AI doesn’t understand depression, existential angst, or loneliness. It doesn’t even understand the words you write (it turns them into numbers). This is the biggest risk of AI therapy—artificial relationships replacing real ones.

Psychological pain comes from isolation and disconnection. Attachment injuries happen between people, and trauma is relational rupture. As such, healing can only take place in the context of an authentic, reparative relationship. Since wounding happens in relationship, healing must also occur in relationship.

Most clients are unaware of how crucial the relationship itself is. Good therapy goes beyond giving advice or providing “tools.” Our brains are wired for connection. When we’re in contact with someone attuned to our emotional needs—through empathic resonance—our limbic system literally heals and rewires. AI can mimic that pattern but cannot truly reproduce it.

AI “therapy” is like replacing healthy food with junk food; it creates the illusion of nourishment, but it does not do the job. As the “A” in AI indicates, AI empathy is artificial.

“Of course you’d say that, you are a therapist and therefore biased.”

Probably true. But even someone working at McDonald’s can tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy food.

Every day I meet clients who are thoroughly “connected” yet lonely. Among the many crises we face, loneliness ranks high, and social media and AI may be amplifying it. I am not against AI; I think it is fantastic. What concerns me is that the newer generations, surrounded by screens, may have a hard time telling the difference between genuine human relationships and artificial interactions with machines. They may not know what they’re missing!

It may take generations to fully grasp the potential damage that human relational deprivation can cause. Plastic empathy may not offer the same neuronal benefits. Hopefully, we’ll be wise enough to use AI as the powerful tool it is—without letting it replace our shared humanity. Let us not forget what Martin Buber suggested: when two people genuinely meet, God is the space between them.

But maybe it is just a matter of time… Let’s talk about it.

https://ourworldindata.org/ ↩︎
https://hbr.org/2025/04/how-people-are-really-using-gen-ai-in-2025 ↩︎
https://www.forbes.com/sites/kolawolesamueladebayo/2025/06/04/will-ai-really-take-your-job-experts-reveal-the-true-outlook-today/ ↩︎
https://www.iotforall.com/impact-of-artificial-intelligence-job-losses ↩︎
Some of Hollywood’s almost omniscient and relatable computers. ↩︎