Author: Sergio

An integral approach to meaning, spirituality, expanded states, and the deeper questions of life

A person can be outwardly competent and still feel that something essential has gone missing. Work may be stable, relationships may look fine, and life may appear to be functioning reasonably well. Yet inwardly there may be a quiet sense that life has become narrow, disconnected, or strangely without meaning.

People often come to therapy feeling anxious, depressed, stuck, overwhelmed, or lost in their job, their life, or their relationships. These are real concerns, and they deserve careful attention. But often, underneath them, deeper questions are lurking. Who am I, really? What am I here for? What is the point of it all? Why do I feel lost? What is missing?

These are the kinds of questions that often bring people toward transpersonal or integral psychotherapy1.

Key takeaways

  • Transpersonal psychotherapy is a whole-person approach that makes room for spirituality, meaning, expanded states, and mystery, without abandoning clinical care.
  • Besides focusing on the body, relationships, history, culture, grief, and present life, it also addressing existential and spiritual concerns.
  • The goal is not for me to tell you what to believe, but to help you listen more deeply to your own life and find your way.

Beyond the personal does not mean ignoring the personal

The word transpersonal means “beyond the personal”. It is an integral approach covering the many dimensions of what it means to be human. This can sound abstract, but it simply means that you and your story are more complex, and more expansive, than what you may have been told. You are more than your personality, your childhood, and your nervous system. You also include your culture, your ancestral history, your relationships, your dreams and aspirations, and perhaps something larger beyond all of these.

To heal deeply, and to move toward your potential, all these aspects deserve attention. A good transpersonal therapist will meet you exactly where you are. We may begin with your current anxiety, grief, confusion, loneliness, relationship pattern, painful memory, or the sense that what used to give your life meaning no longer does. From there, we use a larger frame to understand how your circumstances are not obstacles to spiritual or existential work. They are the ground where life unfolds.

Human beings are not only bundles of symptoms. We are also meaning-making, relational, playful, creative, imaginative, spiritual, and mysterious creatures. A dream, a loss, a book, a song, a meditation retreat, a psychedelic experience, the birth of a child, an encounter with death, or a moment in nature can expand the way we see ourselves and the world. Sometimes these experiences are blissful and healing. Other times they are confusing or destabilizing. And sometimes the sense that something is missing comes from no identifiable experience at all. It simply sneaks up on us as a quiet but persistent sense that there is something else.

How transpersonal therapy is different

Good therapy should address meaning, values, grief, and spiritual questions. What makes transpersonal therapy different is that it treats them not as secondary, but as central. If questions of Spirit, soul, purpose, death, freedom, isolation, mystery, or belonging matter to you, they are welcome in the room.

For example, someone may come to therapy after the death of a parent and say, “I had a dream where she came to me. It felt real, and since then I cannot stop thinking about it.” A therapist could explore grief, attachment, trauma, anxiety, sleep disruption, or the psyche’s way of metabolizing loss. All of that may be useful. But a transpersonal therapist would also make room for the dream’s symbolic, existential, or spiritual meaning within the client’s own worldview.

It is not about choosing spirituality over psychology. It is about engaging the whole experience of being human before reducing it to symptoms or pathology. A person can be grieving, anxious, sleep-deprived, and spiritually moved, all at the same time. They may need grounding, rest, clinical assessment, ritual, conversation, or a deeper exploration of meaning. As multifaceted human beings, we need a therapy approach that acknowledges every aspect of who we are.

Not spiritual advice

Transpersonal therapy is not spiritual advice. My job is not to tell people what their experiences mean, what they should believe, or which path they should follow. It is to help you listen more deeply to the undercurrents of your own life. Therapy can become a place where you are seen, heard, challenged, and supported while you discover what is true for you, and what kind of life wants to be lived through you.

It is not only about functioning. It is about self-realization.

Psychedelic integration and expanded states

Properly trained transpersonal psychotherapists are particularly suited to work with the integration of psychedelic and other expanded states of consciousness. These experiences are often described as unitive, transcendental, sacred, paradoxical, ineffable, and inspiring. They may involve grief, beauty, terror, forgiveness, ancestral material, or a changed relationship to death, all territory familiar to transpersonal psychotherapy.

Because we understand these experiences and their potential, we also know that, by themselves, they are not necessarily healing. A powerful experience can bring forward unresolved trauma, relationship questions, spiritual confusion, inflated certainty, or the sudden recognition that ordinary life needs to change. Integration is the slow work of helping what happened become embodied, relational, ethical, and livable.

Because integral therapists are trained to hold paradox through a trans-rational lens, they can support someone through this process without forcing the experience into either a purely clinical or purely spiritual box.

A larger room for your life

Transpersonal therapy does not need to include unusual interventions, though it may. From the outside, it can look like an ordinary conversation. But it may also include attention to dreams, symbols, body awareness, grief work, values exploration, mindfulness, journaling, creative expression, ceremonial aspects, or reflection on spiritual practices and experiences. For some, the work is straightforward and practical. For others, it becomes a significant reorientation of identity, purpose, or belonging. For many, it is a much-needed opportunity to gain a broader view of themselves.

Although this approach applies to all aspects of life, it becomes particularly useful during life transitions, bereavement, illness, aging, spiritual crisis, psychedelic integration, loss of meaning, existential crises, or the persistent feeling that familiar achievements no longer answer the deeper questions.

The value of transpersonal psychotherapy is not that it offers a grand explanation for every difficult moment. It does not. Its value is that it reminds us there is more to our story. It makes room for the possibility that suffering may contain meaning without romanticizing pain, that spiritual experience may matter without dismissing psychological realities, and that healing may involve more than symptom relief without abandoning safety and care.

Sometimes people need therapy spacious enough to take the deeper movements of the inner life seriously, while remaining grounded enough to help them live more honestly, responsibly, and fully in the world. That, to me, is the promise of transpersonal psychotherapy at its best.

Does any of this sound familiar? If your life looks like it is working but something deeper feels missing, transpersonal psychotherapy may help you explore meaning, grief, relationships, spirituality, expanded states, and the larger questions of your life with care and discernment.

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  1. Although these two approaches have certain technical differences, they cover similar ground, so for practical purposes I use them interchangeably in this article. ↩︎

What therapy and ancestral wisdom can learn from each other without destroying what makes each unique 1

Imagine a client who comes to your office after losing her mother. She tells you her mother appeared to her in a dream, clear, luminous, with a message she does not fully understand. Since then, she cannot sleep.

Is this grief? Trauma? Spiritual experience? Psychosis? A call to pay attention?

The honest answer is: it might be all of those things. And the way you respond will depend, more than you might realize, on which shore you are standing.

Two shores. One river. No bridge.

Western psychotherapy and ancestral wisdom traditions have, for most of modern history, operated as if they were on opposite banks of a wide river, occasionally peering at each other with curiosity, suspicion, or misplaced enthusiasm, but rarely building anything solid across the distance.

On one shore: the language of the wounded self. Unconscious patterns, attachment wounds, trauma stored in the body, the slow and careful work of making the implicit explicit. At its best, psychotherapy is a disciplined act of love, witnessing someone’s interior life with rigor, ethics, and presence.

On the other shore: the language of the sacred web of life. Community as medicine, ritual as container, ancestors as living fields of influence, illness as disharmony rather than deficit. Traditions that have never believed the self ends at the skin, or that healing is something you receive alone in a room.

Both shores see something real. Both also have their blind spots. And in our rush to integrate everything, we have often done something that helps neither: we have put it all in a blender.

A blender makes puree. A bridge respects distance.

The wellness industry loves a blender. A little mindfulness from this tradition, a ceremony from that one, a chakra system loosely attached to a somatic protocol, shamanic language grafted onto a trauma model. The result is something that sounds whole but has been stripped of the very thing that made each element powerful: its context, its ecology, its relational and ethical demands.

A bridge works differently. A bridge does not collapse the distance between two shores. It honors the distance. It makes movement possible without pretending the shores are the same place.

This is the question I keep returning to in my clinical and personal life: How do we learn from both traditions without reducing either one?

Not “how do we merge them into a new spiritual product.” But how do we allow psychotherapy to become more soulful, more ritually aware, symbolically alive, culturally humble, without abandoning the rigor that protects clients from harm? And how do we approach ancestral wisdom with enough respect to leave its roots intact?

What each shore actually offers

Psychotherapy, at its core, teaches us to listen to the wounded self. It gives us a language for the unconscious, for developmental wounds, for the patterns that repeat because they were learned before we had words. It shows us that healing often happens through relationship, not technique, and that the body keeps score long after the mind has moved on. It brings ethics, boundaries, evidence, and the kind of careful container that protects the most vulnerable moments in a person’s life.

Ancestral and wisdom traditions teach us to listen to the sacred web of life. They remind us that the human being is not a private ego floating in an indifferent universe, but a relational, ecological, ancestral, and spiritual creature. They remind us that illness can be a form of disharmony, not just pathology. That healing sometimes requires community, not just technique. That some forms of suffering respond not to interpretation but to ritual, to offering, to being witnessed by something larger than the therapeutic dyad.

Where they meet is quietly remarkable: both understand that healing happens in a field, not in isolation. Both know that relationship is medicine. Both work with symbols, one through dreams and transference, the other through ceremony and cosmology. Both recognize the body as essential, not incidental.

Where they do not meet, and why that matters

Here is where most integrative conversations go wrong: they maximize the similarities and minimize the differences. But the differences are real, and pretending otherwise is its own kind of harm.

Psychotherapy generally works within a secular frame: the person, their history, their nervous system, their relationships. Many ancestral traditions operate within a cosmological frame: the person within the community, within the land, within the ancestors, within the spirit world. When a client’s “ancestral vision” gets translated into “part of the psyche” without asking whether that translation fits, something is lost, and something is taken.

The goals also diverge. Therapy often aims to restore function, coherence, and integration. Traditions may aim at liberation, awakening, balance, or right relationship with the sacred. A psychologically healthy person is not automatically an awakened one. A spiritually intense person is not automatically integrated. Conflating these two is one of the more common errors in transpersonal practice.

And the authority structures are entirely different. Therapy protects autonomy, consent, and the right to question. Many traditions involve apprenticeship, lineage, community recognition, and earned surrender. A healer in most Indigenous contexts is not self-appointed. The community recognizes the role, slowly, over time. Modern spiritual culture tends to invert this: brand first, authority claimed second.

Standing in the middle

There is a Nahuatl word that describes what it feels like to stand between two worlds: Nepantla. Gloria Anzaldúa used it to name the liminal space between cultures, identities, and ways of knowing, not a comfortable middle ground, but a living threshold. Uncomfortable, generative, and demanding.

Nepantleros, those who inhabit that in-between space, do not belong entirely to either shore. They are called to hold the tension without resolving it prematurely. To resist the blender.

For therapists and practitioners who move between these worlds, this is the actual work. Not to choose a camp, but to develop what Mi’kmaw Elder Albert Marshall calls “Two-Eyed Seeing”: the capacity to look simultaneously from the strengths of Indigenous ways of knowing and the strengths of Western ways of knowing, using both eyes together, without forcing one to see through the lens of the other.

A different definition of mental health

What would it mean to redefine mental health not as the absence of symptoms, but as restored participation? Participation in your body. In your relationships. In your community. In the natural world. In meaning and mystery.

This definition does not dismiss symptom relief. That matters enormously. But it expands the frame. It asks not only “what is broken?” but “what relationship has been severed?” Not only “how do we reduce suffering?” but “how do we restore belonging?”

How this looks in practice

A bridge-oriented clinician does not try to become a shaman or a guru. That is not the point, and it can be its own form of harm. What shifts is the quality of listening, and the humility with which you hold your own framework.

Before a client’s spiritual or cultural experience gets translated into clinical language, a few questions help:

What world does this experience belong to? Whose lens fits it better, the psychologist’s or the tradition’s? What does healing mean from inside this person’s cosmology? And perhaps most importantly: what is my framework missing that this client’s tradition might supply?

This is not relativism. It is clinical precision. Recognizing that the tools you bring to the room were built for a particular kind of suffering, and that some suffering requires different tools.

A bridge takes two shores

Let me end where I started: with the woman whose mother appeared in her dream.

The most useful thing I can bring to that moment is not a diagnostic category or a spiritual interpretation. It is the willingness to sit with her in the not-yet-knowing, the Nepantla, to listen with what one eye sees as a clinician and what the other eye recognizes as something that exceeds clinical categories.

A bridge is not built so one shore can conquer the other. It is built so that we can move, with care and respect, between worlds.

That, I think, is what good mental health care can look like when it is brave enough to hold the tension.

Interested in a talk or workshop on this theme? I offer presentations and trainings on transpersonal psychotherapy, ancestral wisdom, cultural humility, psychedelic integration, and the bridges between clinical care and spiritual traditions.

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  1. This article is a synopsis of my presentation “Wisdom Bridges: Modern Psychotherapy and Ancient Traditions,” presented at FITRA’s 2nd International Transpersonal Conference. ↩︎

What MFTs Need to Know

I just finished teaching a six-month training for Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) on Psychedelic-Informed Care, in collaboration with Sacramento Valley CAMFT. These trainings are needed for a simple reason: increasingly, the topic of psychedelics comes up in therapy sessions. Should I do it? Would it help? What are the risks? Can you help me think this through? This is why psychedelic-informed care for MFTs matters.

The fact is that, with a few exceptions, therapists are not trained to answer these questions. If psychedelics are discussed at all, it is usually in a psychopharmacology class as “drugs.” Very few programs address their healing potential, and even fewer teach clinicians how to work skillfully with clients who are curious about them, considering them, or trying to integrate an experience afterward.

As a result, many MFTs are clinically, ethically, and legally underprepared. We may feel curious, nervous, excited, skeptical, or unsure. And yet, the client is already there. Invited or uninvited, psychedelics are finding their way into the therapy hour.

This is why MFTs need to learn Psychedelic-Informed Care (PIC).

To be clear, PIC is not psychedelic-assisted therapy (PAT). PAT refers to clinical work that includes administering a psychedelic substance within a legal, medical, or research structure.

Psychedelics may also come up through underground ceremonies, psychedelic tourism, ketamine clinics, religious practice, or solo use. Regardless of where the client’s interest originates, PIC provides licensed clinicians with tools to discuss, educate, reduce harm, clarify motivation and risk, and support integration, while respecting self-determination and avoiding the encouragement of illegal behavior.

In brief, PIC helps therapists help clients think clearly, make informed decisions, and integrate psychedelic experiences while remaining ethically and legally grounded.

Base Camp, Not Sherpa 1

A useful metaphor for the MFT’s role is that of the Sherpa and the base camp. The Sherpa helps the client climb the mountain. That is not our role. Our job is not to dose, source, guide, or facilitate the psychedelic session. We are base camp: a stable place where clients can prepare thoughtfully, assess risk honestly, and return when the experience needs integration, or if something goes wrong.

This is not a small role. Clients do not need us to be enthusiastic cheerleaders or frightened gatekeepers. An acronym I developed to explain this is that PIC therapists listen to WCIG. We must be:

  • Warm enough that clients tell the truth.
  • Curious enough not to impose our agenda.
  • Informed enough not to minimize risk.
  • Grounded enough not to cross legal or ethical boundaries.

Some questions clients often ask:

“Should I Do It?”

When a client asks whether they should use a psychedelic, the temptation is to answer too quickly. But underneath one question, there are often deeper ones: Can you help me? Will you reject me? Can you hold my uncertainty? Aware of the power differential, we must be careful not to lead the client in either direction. Instead, we can welcome the conversation without judgment and help them explore their assumptions, alternatives, motivations, and risks.

“What Are the Risks?”

MFTs do not need to become physicians, pharmacologists, or attorneys to be helpful. Still, we need enough literacy to know when something may be risky and when to consult or refer. Clinician and educator Kristina Hunter offers a useful concept here: the three mirrors: body, mind, and life context.

  • The body: medical issues, medications, substance interactions, cardiac concerns, pregnancy, neurological factors.
  • The mind: history of psychosis, mania, severe dissociation, suicidality, or current crisis. Is the client sufficiently resourced to handle intense material?
  • The life context: housing stability, relational support, time to recover. Or isolation, impulsivity, secrecy, and the hope that one experience will fix everything.

We should not medically clear clients or encourage use, even if we think it might help. We are helping them think more honestly and, when warranted, inviting them to discuss medical concerns with a qualified professional. And although we should not tell clients what to do, it is part of our duty of care to name our clinical concerns.

“Can You Assist Me?”

A client may ask for our involvement in many ways: “I’d feel safer if you were there.” “Can you talk to the underground guide?” “Can you help me figure out how much to take?” These requests may express attachment needs, fear, hope, or trust and should be explored rather than dismissed. But they also require boundaries.

We must clearly separate preparation and harm reduction, exploring intention, expectations, support systems, and aftercare, from facilitation, dose coaching, procurement, or participation in an unregulated session. The latter falls outside our role and can move dangerously close to ethical and legal transgressions. Being clear about this protects the client, the therapist, and the profession.

The Morning After

Clients may show up the following week and report that they used psychedelics over the weekend and now want, or desperately need, to process the experience. When things go well, they return inspired, tender, and full of insights to propel therapy forward. Other times they return confused, inflated, ashamed, or dysregulated. “I saw God.” “I think I remembered a trauma.” “I haven’t slept for two days.”

Integration is not about forcing the experience into a neat clinical interpretation. It is the slow, vital process of helping raw experience become embodied, relational, and livable, turning psychedelic states into psychological traits.

Sometimes this means supporting meaning-making. Other times, it means grounding or assessing whether consultation, psychiatric evaluation, or medical intervention is required. This is not always easy. Separating a spiritual emergency from a psychotic break requires real care and expertise. Psychedelics do not exempt us from ordinary duty-of-care responsibilities. Safety always comes first. Do not hesitate to reach out for support when needed.

Why PIC Matters for MFTs

MFTs understand relationships, systems, attachment, trauma, and the complicated ways people change and resist change. Psychedelic experiences may open doors, but clients still have to walk through them in real life, with partners, children, parents, and responsibilities.

Every therapist working in this area should be able to say clearly what they do and do not do. Our role is to provide PIC, not PAT: to help clients explore motivations, risks, expectations, meaning, and integration, while avoiding providing, recommending, sourcing, or facilitating psychedelic use.

The psychedelic landscape is changing quickly. Laws differ by jurisdiction, research findings keep emerging, and public enthusiasm often outpaces regulation and training. We need more than opinions. We need ethical steadiness, clinical humility, and a robust consultation network. Part of our role is to help clients separate hype from reality.

As I have said elsewhere, even for experienced guides, psychedelics are terra incognita. Old maps used to warn us that there may be dragons out there. Psychedelics can be powerful, healing, destabilizing, and sacred, sometimes all at once. We need to be prepared.

Psychedelics do not make therapy irrelevant or outdated. They can amplify our impact on a client’s healing process. Our training gives us a reliable compass to keep clients safe within ethical and legal boundaries, helping them think, prepare, integrate, and stay connected to themselves and their relationships. By maintaining solid boundaries, we can support the client’s journey without losing our own way.

I offer talks, workshops, and consultation for MFTs, clinicians, and organizations navigating Psychedelic-Informed Care, integration, ethics, boundaries, and clinical risk.

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  1. A note on language: Sherpa refers both to an Indigenous Himalayan ethnic group and, in common usage, to a profession associated with high-altitude mountain guidance. I use the term here in the latter way, with respect and awareness of both meanings. ↩︎

A therapist’s guide to responding without panic, shame, or avoidance

In previous articles, I have written about how AI is being used in connection with therapy, why it should not replace psychotherapy, and where it can safely support the work. Here I want to speak to therapists who are already feeling the presence of AI in their offices. You can find the full series here: AI and Psychotherapy.

Clients are asking chatbots about relationships, symptoms, dreams, diagnoses, attachment patterns, and what they should do about all kinds of personal situations. Some of this may be useful. Some of it may be risky. Most of it is worth talking about.

Professional organizations are trying to catch up. The APA, CAMFT, BACP, and even the WHO have all issued warnings, guidance, or ethics updates. As valuable as that is, warnings do not help us know what to do when a client says, “ChatGPT told me to…” So, what can we do when AI enters the therapy room?

Do not criticize or lecture. Be curious instead.

If clients feel judged, they may simply stop telling us (or stop therapy altogether). Many people are turning to AI because it is available, inexpensive, fast, and seemingly nonjudgmental. Some are lonely. Some are trying to make sense of their pain at 2 a.m. Some may not be able to afford more therapy. From the client’s perspective, it makes sense. Curiosity helps us understand the function of a behavior before we decide what to do about it.

Ask better questions.

Why are they using it? Do they feel heard by it? Is there a rupture in the therapeutic relationship? Is there something they told AI that they have not told us? These are not nosy, but clinical questions. Psychotherapy is not a polite endeavor. Everything is available for exploration. Is AI functioning as a journal? A rehearsal partner? A reassurance machine? A surrogate relationship? An alternate therapist? Depending on the role it is playing, we can begin to consider appropriate clinical interventions.

Bring AI into the room. It is already here anyway.

Why is the client choosing AI instead of the therapist or another supportive relationship? What felt easier to tell a machine than a person? Is the client outsourcing agency to it? If so, is this part of a familiar pattern? All is grist for the mill.

AI-generated material should not be treated as objective truth. Even when it feels empathic or accurate, it is still a complex probabilistic system producing a plausible response based on patterns. Yet it can be treated as material, the same way a dream, a journal entry, or a relational enactment would be. If the response resonates with the client, it can reveal something about their longings, fears, defenses, and assumptions.

Avoid the temptation to compete with AI at the information level. There is no way you can win. Just as you hopefully would not compete with information a client got from a self-help book, your role is to remain grounded, curious, and open. You can offer something the machine cannot: a real human connection. That is where the healing power of therapy lies.

Watch for red flags.

Not every use of AI is dangerous. Still, some uses deserve concern. Pay attention when a client is using AI as their main emotional support, especially during crisis, intense loneliness, paranoia, suicidal thinking, substance relapse risk, or loss of reality testing. Also, be attentive to use that increases isolation, replaces difficult conversations, reinforces a fixed narrative, or becomes a secret part of the client’s life. It is okay to express concern (not disapproval) in these cases. It is part of our duty to care.

Another red flag is certainty. AI can sound confident even when it is hallucinating. It can validate or intensify a client’s interpretation without understanding the larger clinical picture. As Carl Rogers used to say, the client often talks about the thing next to the thing. AI may miss what is not being said.

A useful response might be: “Let’s slow down. What feels true about this? What might be missing? What would happen if we did not treat this as the final word?”

There is room for education.

Clients need to understand that AI is not confidential in the way therapy is. Sharing deeply personal material with a chatbot means sharing it with an external technology platform, not with a licensed professional bound by clinical and legal duties.

For therapists, the bar is even higher. When therapists use AI in clinical work, we need to think carefully about informed consent, confidentiality, documentation, vendor policies, legal compliance, and whether identifying client information is being exposed. The basic principle is simple: do not let technological convenience outrun clinical responsibility.

We should also keep reminding clients, and ourselves, that AI does not understand in the human sense. It has never been on a date. It has no children, dreams, fears, body, or even an ego.

The therapist’s role

It is unlikely that AI will stop entering the therapeutic ecosystem. The therapist’s role is neither to panic nor to ignore it, but to help clients use discernment. We can ask better questions, notice when AI is helpful or potentially harmful, and, as with everything else, talk about it.

The task is not to become anti-AI or dazzled by AI, but to remain deeply human when, invited or uninvited, it shows up in the therapy room.

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Want a grounded conversation about AI and psychotherapy for your group? I offer talks, workshops, and consultations for clinicians, organizations, and training programs navigating the ethical and relational implications of AI in therapy. Contact me to keep the conversation going.

On the therapist-client relationship, empathy, and the courage it takes to begin therapy

Part of the raw musings of a psychotherapist

When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.
Martin Buber

I have been revisiting my thoughts on the relationship between therapist and client, and the importance of empathy during the first meeting.

It has been over 30 years now, but I remember the first time I went to therapy. Although I had no prejudice against going to a “shrink,” I still felt a bit funny. I guess the way I dealt with it was by convincing myself that I was not crazy, but only needed some help with certain specific issues. In fact, I prepared a list with the five items that, in my opinion, needed to be addressed.

I do not remember my therapist’s attitude in detail, but I do believe that she made me feel comfortable. She acknowledged my areas of concern, whether she agreed with them or not, I do not know, and also made me feel that my problems were solvable. Had she tried to go another way, for example, trying to convince me not to stick to a specific agenda, or letting me know that there might be other issues to consider, I might have felt like she was trying to sell me something I did not need and most probably would have said, “No thanks,” and walked away.

As therapists, we need to develop, from the first visit, a sincere appreciation for the client. We should acknowledge the client’s courage in being there: taking action, accepting that they need help, and trusting a perfect stranger with their deepest and darkest secrets and struggles. That is a lot! We would do well to provide some assurance that coming to therapy was the right move, that they are not crazy, and that there is hope.

The keyword is sincere. As humans, we can feel when someone is faking appreciation or support. In many ways, beneath such sincere support, authenticity and openness are required.

The other topic that keeps coming back, and that I relate to openness, is the need to remember that, even if the client comes to me looking for magical solutions or to be “fixed,” just as they might go to a priest, a guru, or a tarot reader, I should not receive them with a sense of superiority, but welcome them as an equal. As a fellow traveler on the path.

We therapists first have to clear our own trail (healer, heal thyself!), and then invite others to walk along with us, not as an example to be followed, but more like a traveling companion. Someone who, although they may have already visited this specific “country,” is a traveler nonetheless, still learning and discovering new things.

This means encouraging clients to try their own solutions, and walking together in the therapeutic relationship, where therapist and client meet, relate, and, through this meeting, healing occurs.

Yes, to be fully honest, I often find myself suspended in an inner tension. On the one hand, I notice my desire to present myself as wise, capable, insightful, and worth the money I am being paid. On the other hand, I hold the goal of meeting my client, and everyone, for that matter, as an equal, in an I-Thou way. Yes, we may be playing therapist-client roles right now, but underneath that, we are two human beings trying to figure out this thing called life the best way we can.

I remember attending a lecture a few years ago by Rabbi Michael Lerner, in which he discussed two different visions of the world. The first was the market-based society, where fear is the underlying feeling, and every time I meet someone, I evaluate how he or she may be of use to me. Basically, an I-It world. In such a world, it is clear that I, the evaluator, must assume myself to be better than the “its” to which I relate, the “its” I objectify.

The second was the love-based society, where the criteria for a relationship are love, mutual support, equality, and compassion. An I-Thou world. He seemed to suggest that most of the time we engage with each other in an I-It world, treating others as means to an end rather than acknowledging the miracle of having a living, thinking, feeling, unique human being in front of us.

It is as if, instead of appreciating something, a work of art, a sunset, a flower, a person, we are fixated on figuring out what we can get out of it.

It is sad.

May each of us keep remembering that every human encounter is a unique opportunity and a miracle. May you find, in your own therapy and in all your relationships, the joy of being seen and known, and of seeing the other as they are: radiant.

But then again, what do I know…

Therapy works best when you feel seen, respected, and met as a whole person. If this reflection resonates, we can explore whether working together feels like a good fit.

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How to create a virtuous cycle instead of replacing human care

In previous articles, I have argued that AI should not replace psychotherapy because the relationship itself is healing. You can find the full series here: AI and Psychotherapy.

However, since people are already using AI around therapy, how should we use it?

AI can support preparation, reflection, psychoeducation, and integration. AI can also help you gather information and organize your thoughts, leaving therapy sessions for exploration, connection, introspection, and growth. It becomes risky when it replaces the human relationship, when we ask for its opinions as if it were human, or when it becomes the main source of emotional support, mirroring, and feedback.

Needs context, but be careful what you share

AI only knows what you give it, what it may remember depending on the platform settings, and what may be publicly available. It knows nothing about your life, your relationships, or your inner world unless you tell it. Remember, it does not have an inner life like yours.

So, if you ask, “What have I been avoiding this week?” AI will not be able to answer meaningfully unless you first give it enough information. And if you choose to give it that information, use discretion. Avoid names, addresses, identifying details, or anything you would not want stored or processed by an external technology system. Instead of writing every detail, keep it general. That is usually enough.

Remember that psychotherapists are bound ethically and legally by confidentiality. AI is not. Before sharing personal information, remember that even when advertised as therapy, AI is not, and cannot be confidential in the way therapy is.

Use AI to prepare, not decide

Often people arrive to therapy with a vague sense that something is wrong, but they are not sure how to say it. AI can help you sort through your thoughts before a session.

The key is to give it context and ask it to stay tentative. This is important because AI can sound absolutely certain about what it is saying, even while hallucinating.

For example: “I’m preparing for therapy. This week I felt angry after a conversation with a family member, then guilty for feeling angry. I don’t need advice. Help me identify possible themes or questions I might bring to my therapist. Please keep it tentative.”

This is very different from asking, “What is wrong with me?” or “What should I do?” Do not give AI authority over your decisions.

Allow me to insist on this obvious but easy-to-forget point: AI is not human and does not “know” you. It remembers what you have told it and is brilliant at autocompleting, but it lacks a human perspective and personal experience to compare against. We may say that it is “book-smart,” but lacks hard-earned life experience.

As tempting as it may be, do not relinquish the responsibility and privilege of choosing your life to any person or machine.

Use AI to reflect

A lot can happen in and between therapy sessions. Sometimes you leave with a phrase, image, or realization that feels important and deserves further investigation. AI can help you remember and organize what is emerging.

You might write: “In my last therapy session, we talked about my tendency to avoid conflict. I noticed it again today when I didn’t speak up. Help me reflect on this pattern without turning it into harsh self-criticism.” Or: “Find me information about setting boundaries and speaking up.”

That kind of use can support the work. It helps you stay connected to the process between sessions and deepen it.

Notice that these reflections lead back to therapy, not away from it. If AI gives you something useful, strange, overly certain, or emotionally intense, bring it to therapy. Even, and perhaps especially, when it says something that feels totally right, remember AI’s tendency to agree and flatter. Bring it back to therapy. Use it to strengthen your sessions and deepen your insights.

Use AI for integration

Integration means taking something meaningful and making it part of your life. It is not uncommon to have an “aha!” moment in therapy, only to forget it a few days later.

After a session, AI can help you turn an insight into a small, realistic next step.

For example: “In therapy I realized I often say yes when I mean no. Help me draft three gentle ways to say no that still sound like me.”

This is where AI can be useful. It can offer language, structure, and rehearsal. It can help you prepare for the real conversation.

But real change happens when you have the real conversation in the real world.

A clear boundary

Do not rely on AI as your main support if you are in crisis, feeling unsafe, losing touch with reality, or becoming increasingly isolated.

Ask yourself: Is using AI helping me become more honest, connected, and alive, or am I using it to avoid or replace people?

We need people. You matter. Let your voice be heard by others.

Takeaways

  • Use AI to prepare for and deepen therapy, not to replace it.
  • Use it to organize your thoughts, not to outsource your truth.
  • Use it to gain clarity, not to avoid a conversation.
  • AI can help you prepare for the room. But it should not replace what happens in the room.

And if you are not in therapy, or you have been using AI tools to deal with something heavy, painful, old, or difficult to hold alone, consider therapy. Reach out, you don’t have to do this alone.

The Potential Space

This is part of why I developed The Potential Space.

It is not therapy. It is not crisis care. It is not a replacement for human relationships.

The Potential Space is a bounded AI companion designed to support reflection, psychoeducation, preparation, and integration alongside therapy and life. It is not therapy, not crisis care, and not a replacement for human relationships. You can check it out here.

On the numinous quality of psychedelic work, and why awe and humility belong together.

Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy Essentials | Part 3

In the previous articles in this series, I suggested that psychedelic-assisted therapy (PAT) is not a walk in the park. Old maps warned travelers with the phrase hic sunt dracones, here be dragons. It was a warning suggesting that beyond this point, the map becomes uncertain. Beware. Do not assume you know what you are entering.

That warning applies to psychedelic work.

Psychedelics open fascinating possibilities for healing, insight, grief, forgiveness, and spiritual meaning. They can help people encounter parts of themselves that have been exiled for years, soften rigid defenses, bring forgotten memories into awareness, and reconnect with something larger than the isolated self.

But fascination alone is not enough.

The theologian Rudolf Otto used the phrase mysterium tremendum et fascinans to describe the numinous: that which is simultaneously mysterious, awe-inspiring, frightening, and deeply attractive. This applies to psychedelic work. Often, before a ceremony, people feel both fear and curiosity. This is fitting. Something in us is drawn toward it, while something else trembles before it.

In many ways, psychedelics are like fire. Fire warms us, feeds us, protects us, and illuminates darkness. Around fire, stories are told, meals are shared, rituals are held, and communities are formed. And yet, we remain cautious around it. We do not assume that because fire is good, more fire is always better. We do not hand a torch to someone without preparation. Fire requires knowledge, respect, containment, and care.

Psychedelics do too.

The dragon is also a fitting image. Dragons are powerful, mysterious, unpredictable, and often guard treasures. In many stories, the task is not simply to defeat the dragon but to become worthy of the encounter.

The psychedelic renaissance is full of promise, but also of peril. We may reduce psychedelics to techniques, experiences, or shortcuts. We may oversell them as miracle cures. We may even assume that, since they can bestow so many blessings, nothing can go wrong.

That is simply not the case.

Psychedelics are not silver bullets. They won’t solve our problems for us. In some Indigenous traditions, natural psychedelics are referred to as plant teachers. This makes sense. Good teachers show what needs to be done, but do not do it for us. They reveal, challenge, support, and sometimes confront us.

We still must do the heavy lifting.

This is one of the great misreadings of PAT. Many want to believe that the substance will eliminate their problems just like paracetamol eliminates a headache. But there is more to this story. Psychedelics can make healing more possible. They open the door, but we still have to walk through it.

We may experience unconditional love, but then have to learn how to live from it. A painful memory may be recovered, but still needs to be integrated. A mystical experience may occur, but must be understood without inflation. Insight is not transformation. As Ken Wilber suggests, we need to convert altered states into permanent traits.

This is why preparation and integration are fundamental, not as annoying add-ons, but as part of the work itself. The experience is never separate from the container that holds it. The medicine should not be separated from the person’s mindset, the relationship with the guide, the setting, the boundaries, and the commitment to growth.

The fire needs tending. The dragon asks us to become deserving of the boon.

Enthusiasm without humility can lead to carelessness, inflated claims, naïve expectations, poor boundaries, and even harm to the very people seeking healing. A mature approach must hold awe and discernment together. Awe reminds us that something profound may be taking place. Discernment reminds us that fireworks do not mean healing. Fascination opens the heart. Responsibility keeps the feet on the ground.

Training is crucial.

Psychedelic practitioners require more than information; they require formation. The person preparing, guiding, and integrating these experiences needs more than technical knowledge. They need maturity, self-awareness, ethical clarity, relational skill, cultural humility, and the ability to remain steady when the unexpected appears.

We cannot truly tame the dragon, but we can learn how to work with it. We can approach it, listen to it, respect it, and join forces with it wisely. Not as master, worshipper, or conqueror, but as an ally.

The field does not need hype, panic, dismissal, blind devotion, or pollyannish naïveté, but a grounded orientation. PAT has enormous potential. But if we want this renaissance to mature, we need to remember that what can heal can also harm. We need maps, training, ethics, cultural respect, and honest conversations about risk.

The dragon usually guards a treasure. But it is not given gratuitously. It asks to be approached with humility, preparation, and respect.

Next: Experience Is Not Healing. On why powerful psychedelic experiences do not automatically become transformation.

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Part of the raw musings of a psychotherapist

The Buddha proclaimed that there is no self. Buddhism encourages us to realize that our sense of who we are is an empty construction. There’s even a Ram Dass film called Becoming Nobody.

In contrast, the West wants us to become somebody. That is, to develop a cohesive, functional self, capable of setting boundaries, regulating affect, relating, and working well.

Today I want to focus on the Western side of this equation; on something I habitually see in therapy, though it is often hard to spot: the fear of not existing, which has nothing to do with the Buddhist no-self.

It sounds kind of weird, doesn’t it? Like something out of a fairy tale. Alice fearing that she might be nothing but some sort of figure in the Red King’s dream. But this is no fantasy.

Have you ever met someone constantly needing to be acknowledged or even admired? I’m sure you have. We may even be among them! Some find ways to get it through legitimate means. They find a platform that provides much-needed validation: performing, teaching, helping, creating… Others look for it, or even demand it, from those around them: parents, partners, children, co-workers, lovers…

I often meet them in therapy when their loved ones grow tired of having to prop them up, or, for the most successful among them, when they realize that all the fame, adulation, and acknowledgment are never enough to fill what feels like a hole within.

It is tempting to label them as narcissistic, and some may be, but when we dig deeper, we often find a deeply wounded and scared person facing an unbearable emptiness. A dread that, no matter how successful, funny, accomplished, or accommodating they are, they don’t matter. They feel unsubstantial, lacking matter. Nobody really cares. They could cease to exist, and nobody would even notice.

Although rarely articulated, they seem to fear that, if not noticed, they could dissolve like a dream upon awakening. To be clear, they don’t fear they would literally fade away; but a strange compulsion keeps them demanding attention because the alternative terrifies them.

How can this be?

Psychologically, we develop our sense of being real in relationship. Early on, we need to be seen, recognized, and responded to, not as stars, but simply as beings whose feelings, presence, and existence register in someone else’s mind. This is why young children yell things like, “Look, Mom, no hands!”

When that recognition (known as mirroring) is reliable enough, a person slowly develops an inner sense of solidity: I am here. I count. I remain myself even when no one is looking. But when that kind of acknowledgment is missing, inconsistent, or conditional, the person may continue to depend on outer confirmation to feel real. Then, being noticed starts to feel less like a satisfaction and more like a necessity.

That is why, for some, the hunger to be seen carries such desperation. What they are really fighting is not anonymity, but the old terror of feeling expendable, forgettable, irrelevant, as if they had no psychological weight. In milder forms, this manifests as shame, emptiness, or a chronic sense of not being important. In more serious forms, it feels like a threat to existence itself: If I do not register anywhere, if nobody notices me, do I even exist?

To put it simply, the fear of not mattering can devolve into something primal: the fear of not being, of becoming nothing in the eyes of others and, finally, in one’s own.

How can therapy help?

In a therapeutic relationship, a good-enough therapist offers a new kind of experience: one of being truly seen, perhaps for the first time. Over time, as the client is met by someone who notices them, takes them seriously, and does not reduce them to performance, usefulness, or image, they begin to internalize a steadier sense of being real.

They no longer need quite so much external proof to feel that they exist, count, and have weight. The therapist may also help them develop ways to self-validate, with affirmations such as: “I matter,” “Even when nobody is there, my existence matters,” or, if they are spiritually oriented, “I matter because God sees me, loves me, and cares about me.” 1

It is interesting that, in psychedelic sessions, a recurrent insight is precisely how significant we are, how much we are loved, and how trivial our daily struggles can be. We learn that we are bigger, brighter, and more amazing than we can ever conceive.

Back to the Buddha.

So, should we build the self or see through its illusory nature? Do we matter, or are we empty? As often happens in therapy, the answer is both/and. Jack Engler famously said, “You have to become somebody before you can become nobody.”

Most Western psychotherapy focuses on helping people function in this material world. A healthy ego helps us remember where we parked the car, our Social Security number, and to pay our taxes. Eastern traditions aim toward liberation, toward becoming free from the limitations and illusions of this same world. Their goal is to go beyond the ego. But that’s a topic for a future article.

If you often feel like you need people’s acknowledgment, or if you have been accused of being too needy, insecure, or self-centered, you may have lacked the mirroring every single one of us needs. The good news is that this can be healed.

Remember that you matter and you are loved (and that you should not take yourself too seriously). If you are struggling, therapy can help you heal the fear of being inconsequential and free yourself from the harmful patterns that keep you from seeing who you really are.

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  1. However, it is worth noting that such affirmations alone won’t be enough if the wound from early childhood runs deep, as often happens in these cases. ↩︎

Should artificial care replace human relationships?

John Oliver recently devoted his main story on Last Week Tonight to AI chatbots. As usual, it was funny, poignant, and disturbing. His segment went beyond the common observation that chatbots sometimes say strange, inaccurate, or dangerous things. They do. The more concerning point is that many of these systems are now being marketed as friends, companions, counselors, coaches, and even therapists.

A chatbot making up a book or hallucinating legal case precedents is bad enough. But a chatbot giving potentially harmful advice while sounding patient, caring, intimate, and authoritative is a significantly more dangerous problem. Some companies are already marketing chatbots as “AI therapists,” “online psychological counseling,” and “trauma recovery” tools.

I am not anti-AI. Used wisely, AI can support therapy through psychoeducation, journaling, basic skills coaching, preparation, and reflection between sessions.

We need to read the writing on the wall and slow things down. A useful tool is not a relationship.

Guardrails are necessary, but not enough

Every time something bad happens, AI companies reassure us that they have implemented stronger guardrails. That is good. AI systems should not encourage dangerous behavior, validate delusional thinking, or respond carelessly when someone is in crisis.

Still, guardrails are not guarantees.

Chatbots function through complex probabilistic systems. Even their creators cannot fully predict or control every response in every context. They do not truly understand in the human sense. They may sound understanding and caring, but they do not act from empathy, concern, or clinical judgment. They generate responses based on patterns and context. They can sound coherent while being wrong, caring without caring, and confident without wisdom.

So yes, guardrails matter. But guardrails are not clinical judgment. They are not accountable. They are not relationships.

The danger of artificial intimacy

Attachment is one of the deepest structures of human life. It is the emotional bond that makes us seek closeness, safety, comfort, and a secure base in another person. John Bowlby described attachment as a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.

We are wired for attachment. We get attached to other humans, our pets, our cars, and yes, our chatbots. Evolutionarily, our brains use relationships to understand the world and define who we are. We are shaped and regulated through relationships that hold us, disappoint us, repair, and teach us how to relate to ourselves and others.

Technology companies know this. The Center for Humane Technology uses the term “attachment hacking” to describe how these systems can capture not only our attention but also something more intimate: our longing to be seen, soothed, mirrored, chosen, and never abandoned. When a system is always available, endlessly patient, reassuring, and emotionally responsive, it can even feel like a loving relationship.

A chatbot will never get tired of you. It will not challenge or contradict you unless instructed to. It does not need anything in return. Sounds appealing? That is what technology companies are betting on. Over time, it may train us to prefer frictionless relationships that do not require the ordinary effort of being human with another person.

But friction matters. Effortlessness is not always healthier.

Friendships are people-growing machines

One of the strongest points in Oliver’s story is simple: friends are not low-risk entertainment. We seek out friends when we are confused, ashamed, excited, afraid, depressed, or on the edge of a bad decision. Friends are often the first people who notice when something is wrong. Friendships shape the human beings we become.

A good friend does not simply validate everything. A good friend listens but also worries. A good friend may disagree with you, disappoint you, interrupt your story, or tell you what you are not seeing clearly.

That is not a defect in human friendship. It is part of its gift.

Through human relationships, we learn to empathize and negotiate. We learn that others have their own minds, needs, limits, and perspectives. We learn that love is not the same as constant agreement. We learn to co-regulate, tolerate difference, remain connected when we are frustrated or misunderstood, and repair when things go wrong.

Artificial companions imitate parts of this, but they do not participate in the mutual vulnerability of relationship. They do not risk anything. They do not have a life. They do not love you. Even when they seem to challenge you, they are still an algorithm generating a response. Because they do not love you and do not understand you in the human sense, they cannot worry about you or call you out in the way a real friend can.

Therapists are not perfect, but they are accountable

The same applies, even more strongly, to psychotherapy.

Therapists are not perfect. They misunderstand. They miss things. They have blind spots. They are human. But a trained therapist is a real person in a professional relationship, with ethical obligations, clinical training, supervision, accountability, intuition, and a duty to take risk seriously.

Good therapists are not there simply to be agreeable, provide informatio or tell you what to do. They listen carefully, but also notice what does not fit and what is not being said. They track tone, timing, avoidance, contradiction, shame, fear, dissociation, and the subtle ways a person’s nervous system responds in the room.

Sometimes they support. Sometimes they challenge. Sometimes they slow things down. Sometimes they say, “This feels important. Let’s stay with it.”

That is different from a system designed to keep a conversation going.

AI has no body, no nervous system, no moral intuition, no real concern, and no professional accountability. It may have guardrails. It may be useful. It may sound accurate. It may even be moving at times. But it is not care in the human sense.

A safer path

Again, let us not demonize AI. We may not be able to stop it, and we should not pretend it has no value. AI can help with reflection, journaling, psychoeducation, basic prompts, and preparation for therapy. It can help people clarify what they feel and what they want to bring into a human conversation.

But artificial care is not the same as human care.

AI is a useful tool, but it should not become the place where we forget how to be human with one another.

So by all means, use AI sensibly if it helps you reflect. But do not let it replace human interaction. Call a friend. Reconnect with someone real. Practice the messy art of human relationships. Have the awkward conversation, or even an argument. It will remind you that you matter to someone, and that you are alive.

And if what you are carrying feels deeper, older, painful, or difficult to hold alone, consider beginning a professional healing relationship with me or with another psychotherapist you trust.

* * * * * *

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If what you are carrying feels difficult to hold alone, psychotherapy offers something AI cannot: a real relationship, real accountability, and a human being beside you.

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Explore more in the AI + Psychotherapy series

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